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My son is two years and four months. It seems, in my mind (based on nothing but my own opinion) that we should be able to start the toilet-training process at this point. Compounding this are the facts that most of my son’s friends are girls, and they are all showing interest in the toilet. They all seem to know what to do on it, and they all are progressing in their training.
I bought my son one of those plastic toilet seats that goes on the big-person toilet, hoping it would spark interest.
He put it on his head.
Although he knows what it feels like to be wet, he is showing absolutely zero interest in actually using the toilet for its intended purpose. He does enjoy flushing it, reading books about it and talking about it, but sitting on it causes fear and outright anger. I’ve half-tried a few times to move him toward using the toilet (he has cute underwear, and he laughed when I had his stuffed monkey “pee” on the toilet), but nothing seems to get his interest. Instead, he answers me with a firm, “no!” each time I ask him if he’d like to try sitting on the toilet.
I wonder sometimes if I should stop encouraging it and enticing him, and just decide to do it. I do have friends with boys this age who are trained, or who are mostly trained as well, which makes me feel even worse. Should I be pushing this harder? Should I be just putting him on the toilet, even if he is crying and protesting?
My instinct says no. Just like I allowed him to stop nursing when he was ready and never forced him to eat foods he wasn’t interested in (and now, he eats about 80% of what he’s served!), I can’t rationalize forcing him to sit on the toilet either. Whereas many of my friends’ kids show genuine excitement and interest in sitting on the toilet, my son absolutely does not. But I know he will. The rational side of me knows that when the time is right, two months from now or six, he will use the toilet.
But I still can’t shake this feeling that maybe I could, or should, be doing more. I read a blog today that said the common belief (and one that has been validated by my friends with boys) that boys toilet train later is untrue and lazy, so there goes another one of my excuses for waiting.
Somedays, I think we’re going to wait. And then, I think we should start. What I really need to do is stop pressuring myself (all of this pressure is coming from me!) and just watch his signals, like I’ve done with everything else in the last two years. It’s worked well with every other milestone. It’s just hard to be confident sometimes when I feel like everyone around me is moving forward to the next stage, but we’re just not there yet.
Do you/did you put pressure on yourself to toilet train your child? What did you ultimately decide?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
You know my story. And I am now of the mindset of not pressuring at all. I put a lot of pressure on me and my first son, and it turned into a year of misery. I think your child showing interest is paramount. I hesitate on giving advice because it is such a heated topic (right after sleep training). I don’t buy the lazy argument. I like your approach; it is measured and I think the less you put pressure on yourself, the smoother the transition. It took over a year of stress to get our first 100% trained, and although our second has been using the potty for over a year, too, there hasn’t been much stress if any, and he is almost there at 2.5. It will come. Promise. Please don’t let others’ experiences make you feel compelled to do what doesn’t seem to fit the signals and signs your son is or isn’t showing. I like that he has access to a potty, to the information…and in time it will start falling into place!
I agree with Ali in that your child showing interest is a huge factor in success, or, at least it was for us. I think you are doing a great job providing some encouragement about the potty but not pushing the issue.
I think you’re making all the right moves. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. I’m a big believer of “one day, it will just click.” No need to stress yourself – or K – about it
Thanks, ladies. I’m trying not to stress out about it, but sometimes it is so hard! My son does things on his own time…I should know this by now! LOL! It really helps to hear all these supportive comments.
I raised a son and a daughter and my daughter was toilet trained sooner than my son, considerably sooner. I don’t think it at all lazy to suggest that, it is often reality. Little girls seem to express their discomfort with a wet diaper before boys do (Could it be as simple as anatomy?) Sarah, I believe you should trust your instincts on this one. Forcing your son will turn this into a battle instead of those first successful attempts at the toilet being reason to celebrate! Just as with every other milestone, let him guide you and it will be a much more agreeable process for all. Winter also happens to be the most inconvenient time to train because of the layers of clothing to remove, change, etc.
Thanks for your encouragement, Maureen. I have tried a few tactics in the last few days, and although my son had fun with them, I ultimately learned that he isn’t ready. But I love that you say to “let him guide the process.” I have always viewed that as part of my philosophy as a parent, and so far, with everything from eating to nursing to sleeping, it’s worked pretty well. I appreciate your point of view, having raised both a boy and a girl!!
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