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For me, I think one of the hardest things about being pregnant, having a baby, and then nursing for well over a year was all the changes to my body in that time.
I wasn’t one of those women who hated being pregnant and spent hours standing in front of the mirror lamenting my blossoming shape. I actually liked the belly I developed and would jealously eye other pregnant women further along than me. But during my pregnancy, I knew what to expect; even celebrities, with their nutritionists and personal trainers and hours to exercise, grow gigantic bellies when they’re pregnant! Society expects this look. It was everything after I delivered A that I wasn’t prepared for. [Photo credit]
In the time since first becoming pregnant in 2010, I have worn no less than five different sizes of jeans (hence the stack of 14 pairs in my closet right now!) and three different sizes of bras. Before then, though, I had been a predictable size and shape since…well, probably middle school. See, here I am in the years leading up to the pregnancy:
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- Me in 2007
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- 2007, again
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- Now, 2008
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- and then in 2009
Even during the first few months of my pregnancy, not much changed. I could tell my body was not the same: my jeans were just a little tight and my joints were super achy (so long to my ballet classes and pointe shoes!). Finally, by six to seven months, I was showing, and I didn’t just look chubby!
July 2010, 6 months pregnant
By the end of the pregnancy, my belly was huge! It really just stuck straight out in front of me, but I had grown elsewhere, too, like an animal preparing for a long, cold winter (which is what taking care of a newborn was like for me: no time to think of myself or my nutritional needs).
September 2010, 8 months pregnant
And, finally, days before I delivered
Like all new moms, I spent the first few days (weeks?) after A was born in a mix of maternity clothes and regular clothes, as I worked to get my “normal” body back. I remember when the picture below was taken, when A was only forty days old. I was so upset that I hadn’t sucked in my gut or tried to improve my posture, which led to me looking like I was still pregnant. But this was just the reality of my body’s recovery: my abs were still weak and loose.
Once I realized it was going to be a while before I could realistically squeeze back into my pre-baby clothes, I broke down and made a trip to the mall for some unwanted additions to my wardrobe. I remember grudgingly dragging my infant into J.Crew to purchase matchstick jeans in a size bigger than I normally wore–jeans that I now call my “fat pants.” I also found myself tethered to a set of most unattractive nursing bras several sizes larger than my pre-baby size. No one told me this was coming!
But within a matter of a few months, I was back to my old weight with the help of endless breastfeeding, a little consideration to what I ate, and some brisk walks around our neighborhood pushing the stroller. But then, something truly unexpected happened: I kept losing weight, more and more.
Sounds great, right?
Well, not if you literally can’t keep your weight from dropping each week. At one point around A’s first birthday, I was actually twenty pounds lighter than I had been when I first got pregnant. I was drinking whole-milk smoothies and tossing handfuls of almonds into my mouth all day to try to stabilize my weight.
Both August 2011, at my lowest weight
At 5’11″, fluctuations in my weight (even fairly major ones) usually go unnoticed by everyone but me. Losing twenty pounds, however, meant yet another new wardrobe, as my clothes from just a few months earlier looked ridiculously oversized. I wasn’t complaining at the time about my slimmer, bustier self, but really my body had seen some pretty dramatic changes, with weight gain/loss totaling over fifty pounds!
Every time my figure changed significantly (and usually unexpectedly), I had to readjust to the new reality. Looking in the mirror could be a real roller coaster ride of emotions and getting dressed each morning was always a challenge. I tried not to care too much as I discovered that my body was not just an ornament, but a machine with a practical purpose: making and feeding babies. It’s just so hard not to let vanity get the best of you.
And now, here I am again, back in my maternity clothes, up about thirty pounds from my lowest weight. At my last OB appointment, my doctor referred to how “fun” my Thanksgiving holiday must have been, since I had (apparently) gained eight pounds since the previous month’s visit. Yikes! I guess I’m back on that roller coaster ride that comes with being a mom.
Did you have any major surprises as your figure changed during your pregnancy or post-baby life?
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Great post! I love my big belly, but it has been a struggle to watch the scale keep going up and to see the rest of my body get bigger too, even though my weight gain has been well within the normal range (not that it has stopped my OB from the occasional comment about gaining more than I “should”). These days the media is obsessed with pregnancy weight gain and loss—to a disturbing degree. It creates this unrealistic expectation that we’ll gain weight only in our bellies during pregnancy, and then look fabulous in a bikini a week after giving birth. It’s hard not to feel like you are doing something wrong when you don’t conform to that ideal. I don’t know what to expect post-baby, but I’ll take comfort in the fact that I won’t be alone in not immediately shrinking back to pre-pregnancy size. And thankful that it’ll be winter, so there should be no bikinis in sight!
So funny! Just today, as I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store, I was noticing a magazine cover that highlighted Kourtney Kardashian, with the headline, “How she lost 45 pounds. ‘I got my body back!’” On the one hand, I respect that she accomplished this; on the other, she’s had a little more assistance than the average new mom! The expectations for women are completely unrealistic, that’s for sure!
For me, the surprise has been the difference in my weight gain/loss between both of my pregnancies. With my first, I gained 30 pounds and it came off within the first four months. By six months postpartum, I was 15 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight and still dropping. I’m 5’4″ and thin anyway, so it was noticeable to everyone and I constantly was asked if I was eating. I did eventually stabilize and come back up to my normal weight once I was done breastfeeding at a year and a half. With my second pregnancy, I didn’t gain as much (22 pounds), but I’ve found it slower to come off. Only now at eight months postpartum am I back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
I’ve also found that my hips, which spread but returned to normal after my first, have not this time around (at least not yet), so even though I’m back to my normal weight, my jeans don’t fit quite like they did. I keep resisting buying new jeans, though I know I need to. I guess I just can’t accept that a larger size than before might be my new normal.
“New normal” is right, Leah! I’m interested to hear that you had a very similar weight loss experience while breastfeeding. My mother always told me that I’d take the weight off more easily if I breastfed, and at the time I wondered if that was an old wives’ tale, but of course it isn’t!
They recommend that you take in an additional 300 calories per day when you’re pregnant and an extra 500 calories per day when you’re breastfeeding! I could hardly find time to eat in the early months, so I’m sure I wasn’t consuming an extra 500 calories, hence the easy weight loss. I intend to nurse baby #2 as well, but I’m prepared for the fact that the weight may not come off as easily. Thanks for the insight!
Wonderful post! I used to be stick thin but my body never quite bounced back from my pregnancy. It’s curvy and soft depite the many months of nursing and baby boot camp. If my 25 -year-old self caught a glimpse of me now she ‘d tell me to go on a juice fast. Not bloody likely, sweetheart!
I recently had a physical and my doctor told me that I am doing great and bodies change. She also said that I may never fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again. I winced, bit my lip, and told her I wasn’t prepared to hear that. She may be right and that’s ok with me. For now.
(Btw-you look fantastic in each of the photos you posted!)
Thanks so much, Alisa! The honest truth is that my body never went back to the way it was either. Even at my lowest weight, my hips were just slightly wider and my abs were never quite as tight, but I’m okay with that. Having a slightly changed form is really a very small price to pay for the all the joys that parenthood brings, wouldn’t you say?
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