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What’s in a Name? Uh, everything!
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet? I don’t think so.
Maybe it’s because I just hit the third trimester of my pregnancy, but a lot of people have been starting to ask if we’ve chosen a name for our baby. Unfortunately, the answer is NO! This is a crazy important decision, people, one that clearly takes months and months of agonizing. Allow me to demonstrate my neurotic side for just a minute.
During my first pregnancy, we decided to learn the gender of our baby, and once we knew we were having a girl, I emptied my local library of baby-name books and filtered through tens of thousands of names in search of the perfect one. Turns out, that was a tall order.
I’m well aware that part of the pressure I feel to pick names is due to my own unusual name. Growing up with a name like Evanthia (and you should’ve heard my full maiden name!), you come to think of your name as part of your identity, something that defines you and separates you from your peers with more common names. Especially when your name carries as much meaning as mine: I was named after my paternal grandmother (as is the Greek tradition), a woman my whole family adored.
While I’ve put up with comments like, “Wow, what an ethnic name!” or “That’s very unique,” I’ve always felt very proud of my distinctive name, a name that went back generations and held a lot of significance that no ignorant American was going to overshadow in my mind. Even though my American husband and I decided not to continue with this Greek naming tradition, I still feel a lot of pressure to provide my children with names as special as I always felt mine was.
Another part of my problem is that having been a teacher in a place as diverse as the suburbs of Washington, DC, I’ve interacted with students with almost every name imaginable and created associations with each name—some good, some bad. One of my all-time favorite girls’ names, for instance, was completely spoiled for me by a student who turned out to be my arch nemesis one school year!
I thought baby-naming felt impossible the first time around, but we did eventually come up with the perfect name. This time, we’re in far worse shape! And part of the problem is that we, again, learned the gender of our baby:
IT’S A GIRL!!!
We were both elated to learn that we’d have another adorable, little pink bundle of joy in our house come April: girls are familiar to us, we both love having a daughter (especially daddy!), and there’s the more practical issue of being able to reuse A’s old clothes, bedding, etc.
But wait? We have to think of another perfect girl’s name???
It would be soooo much easier to pick a boy’s name now. Maybe it’s because I’ve only ever had to choose girls’ names, but boys’ names seem so much more straightforward: you pick a nice, solid, masculine classic and move on with your day. Done!
With girls, you have to stress so much more about how a person with that name will be perceived. That name’s too fluffy; she’ll be a diva; she won’t be taken seriously; it’s too masculine; it’s too bookish; sounds promiscuous; and my all-time favorite: “she’ll end up crying her eyes out at the nude-y bar.”
I’m stumped, people! So maybe I need to reconsider my procedure for name selection. Maybe I’ve been going about it the wrong way. In Part II of my baby-naming neuroticism on display, I’ll be considering all the methods parents-to-be use to nail down their child’s very first gift: their name.
Does everyone else feel as much pressure as me to pick the PERFECT name??
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This is totally how I feel about girl names too! As someone with a unique name who only began to appreciate it as a adult, I feel the push and pull between wanting a name that is strong and meaningful and uncommon, but easy to pronounce and spell. We took forever choosing our girl name (we decided not to find out the sex), which was really frustrating. I wasn’t completely sold on the name either, which makes me glad we had a boy the first time around. Even though I use the same requirements when deciding on a boy name, I feel like a girl’s name has to convey so much more, like you say. My name perceptions and associations are stronger with girl names than boy names, if that makes sense.
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I’m always so interested to hear the perspectives of other women with “unique” names. Does it make us more or less likely to provide our daughters with traditional names, with the usual spelling. And then, what if you pick a name like A’s, which has a multitude of acceptable and “traditional” spellings, differing based on ethnicity/origin? People are constantly misspelling our daughter’s name, even though I thought I had picked a predictable spelling! Better luck next time, I guess.
At 38 weeks pregnant, we STILL do not have a name for our baby girl. I agree that girl names are harder than boy names. There aren’t as many boy names that I like, so it makes narrowing it down much easier. There are just too many girl names (and so many former boy names have become girl names). I think there are really two things holding me back, though. First, the permanence and significance of a name–it seems so important to pick one that is just right. Second, as a first time mom-to-be, referring to her as “the baby” is comfortably abstract; picking a name (like packing a hospital bag) makes it all seem so…real.
Yes, we didn’t have a name picked until two days AFTER A was born. My husband can be SO indecisive! His hand was finally forced once they told us that if we didn’t name the baby before leaving the hospital, we’d have to file the Social Security Administration paperwork on our own. No, thank you
I think it’s so funny you refer to a former student as your arch nemesis… I referred to a former student that way too and people would say “he’s only in kindergarten”. They obviously had not been in my classroom. But yes he soured me to that name and I refrain from saying a word when people list it as one of their top picks. Even when we had picked out the boys’ names we told very few people because EVERYONE seems to have an opinion whether good or bad.
Some students, regardless of age, just know how to push your buttons, right!?
I even find myself dismissing names of former students who were too talkative, distracted, unmotivated–basically, anything other than model students. Unfortunately, this means I end up ruling out a ton of decent names right up front!
For the birth of my daughter (now age 2), we did not find out gender so came up with two male and two female names. The male names were MUCH easier for my husband and I to agree upon. The girl names took forever, and even when my daughter was born, we did not agree initially on which of the two names we had picked would be “the name”. Part of my issue with female names is the nicknames – I really love some names but did not like their common nicknames. One book I really liked was The Baby Naming Wizard
Thanks for the book suggestion, Amy! I don’t remember checking this one out last time around, but I’ll definitely look it up now.
I am so with you! It’s so funny how we have 9+ months to think about this (and more since we knew we’d be having a 2nd!) yet it’s SO HARD deciding on a name. Like you, the social security people came in around 4 pm the day I was discharged begging me for a name….they really wanted to get home
For some reason boys names were easier both times…. for that, I’m sure we’ll have another girl! Reilly of course has important significance, but this time around I think we’ll go with a name that has a very basic spelling and gender specific. I know she will hate us for 1) People (teachers!) not knowing if she’s a boy or girl and 2) people constantly misspelling it. People ALWAYS botched my last name. It sounds crazy, but I’m very much into how his/her initials and monogram will look– I don’t want to give him/her a horrible 3-letter word! Most of all, I want a name that kids can’t easily make fun of….as you know, they can be mean! I’m sure you will pick another great name…..even if it takes 2 days to make it official 
It’s a very permanent decision and understandable that it takes a long time to decide. Will you be sharing before her birth?
Laura, you’ve brought up so many of my concerns about names! Last time we decided not to share our baby name ideas because we didn’t really want to open ourselves up to too many opinions, and that worked for us. So, I think we’re going to keep our list private this time, too. Besides, she’ll have her whole life to hear people’s opinions on her name
I kind of like to consider myself a name aficionado! There is something about names that I have always loved, and the neurotic, collects-everything part of me actually started a name collection many years ago that consisted of basically every name I could think of, names I gathered as I met new people, names I would see on old gravestones, etc. It was a very bizarre thing to do, yet I loved it! I think I was so into it because my name, Meghan, was SO common and I desperately wanted something unique. (I was always envious of people like you, Evie.)
Consequently, when it came time to name kid #1 I had some pretty definitive opinions about what name I really wanted, and no matter what, it absolutely could NOT be a common name! In fact, I scoured the Social Security lists of top 1,000 names for the past many years, making sure the names I liked weren’t too popular, or gaining in popularity too quickly.
Unfortunately kid 1′s dad had other ideas. Also, both of us being teachers we struggled a bit with the same things you mentioned about associating names with students; we didn’t want to name our child something that would call to mind any other child, good or bad. So, we ended up discussing and cajoling and bargaining, and when all was said and done our little girl ended up with, not the name of my dreams, but a pretty awesome name, both first and middle, that no other child in the school we currently work at has, and that’s saying something. (And daughter #2 WILL have the name of my dreams…we shook on it!)
Good luck naming, and if you want ideas, just let me know.
Meg, I LOVE your name collection idea!! I have the same problem as you do, with not wanting my children to have common names. What kills me is that the name you choose may be uncommon this year, but in two or three years, it may have worked its way up to the top 100 (or 50!) without there being anything you can do about it. I love that you picked a name that no one else in the school has. That says something!!
Oh how I love this topic!!! I too growing up did not appreciate my name though common I’ve only met a few people with my name. It’s Jacqueline of course I grew up with EVERYONE calling me Jackie. At the time I enjoyed this but now I love my full name.
. So on went the search for a name we both loved! There were few choices my husband agreed with. So particular!! But I had been dreaming of my little girl since I was a little girl!!! I had several names I loved!! I enjoy finding the meanings behind the name. I wanted something I hadn’t heard growing up. I only wish our little ones name had not become so popular that year! It was all of the sudden and her name was everywhere!!! After my whole life never nesting anyone with this name now it was everywhere I turned!
!!!! I’ve found a names at #328 and #80!! Not too bad 
With my first baby I obsessed over names! From the day I knew I was expecting I would write lists of names I simply loved. As a matter of fact as a young girl I had a girls name chosen! I grew up with Evie and as a young girl simply loved her name so much!!! I had always thought my first girl would be Evelyn sort of an homage to my friends lovely name but different at the same time. This was a hard sell to my husband however! He simply wasn’t in love with my name choice
Though a popular name (2008 the ssa says her first name was #5 her middle was the #7) it suits her! I truly wouldnt have it anyother way!
When I made my final disision I felt like my little girl was part of the choice! I sat up late one night with the list of names my husband and I agreed upon and with my hand on my belly I said each name aloud with a long pause after each. There was no movement until I said her name aloud. Suddenly a hard kick and I felt like this was it! We had found it! (Some may think this is silly! I thought it was magnificent!)
This time around only in my first Trimester I think I have it narrowed down! I have checked the SS list of names and baby number 2 will not have as popular a name
Can’t wait to hear your little blessings beautiful name!
Jacqueline, what a compliment to hear that you even considered incorporating my name into your daughter’s!! Husbands do have a way of derailing our plans, don’t they?
(You should hear the name suggestions my husband provided last night! Laughable!!) Doesn’t it just seem like children ultimately grow into their names? I couldn’t imagine A with any other name today!
We are pretty much decided on the name for our baby boy (our second) due in May… but I toootally get what you mean about teaching making the naming process that much harder. After 9 years in the classroom, every name (and I mean EVERY) reminds me of some child, some day, some semester, that pissed me off. LOL. I also am careful to choose something that I can live with the shortened version of… I have learned that you simply cannot stop people from abbreviating. No matter how many times you emphasize the FULL name. Our first son is a Zachary. But I am fine w/ Zac. Certain names have been crossed off my list b/c I don’t like the cropped version! We are keeping bay’s name a secret for now and it’s killlling me!
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Congratulations, Deborah! You must be so excited to welcome your son so soon. I know we’re counting down the weeks (only four left!).
I think only other teachers can understand how many names are “ruined” for us by our profession
My husband and I have also been giving a lot of thought to nicknames, especially since the name we love doesn’t have any nicknames I want to live with. However, our first daughter has one of those names that everyone tends to want to abbreviate, but we’ve always used her full name and everyone else has followed along. We’ll see if that changes when we send her to preschool in the fall!
Thanks for commenting!
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